Have You Ever Imagined

Have you ever stopped and imagined what it would be like to not be alive? Or maybe even to not exist at all? Every few months, this thought crosses my mind, and I get a particularly strange feeling doing it. Has this ever happened to you? Please tell me I'm not crazy - that I'm not the only one.

I get this strange empty feeling, like after I die, I'll just stop existing - no soul, no reincarnation, no floating personal paradise, no heaven or hell. Of course, that's what a lot of people will try to lead you to believe.

But I refuse to believe that these 100- years I spend on Earth are all that there is going to be for me. That these are the only years we have. You can even look at modernism today and see the despair in it - the futility in it. Isn't it a sad, hopeless thought to not think that there's no more to life than what we see right now?

It's weird though, because that strange feeling I get doesn't sync with my worldview. I have the feeling, but I don't trust it. I once heard it said that people who have strong faith don't fear death. And I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't a little scared. I've also heard it said that people - presumably like me - are afraid to die because they aren't sure if they'll have to pay for all of the things that they've done wrong - presumably to a higher power.

But I don't think that's it at all. I think the reason for fear might be simpler than that: we don't know what it "feels" like to not have a living body, assuming that we live on somehow in spirit.

And more than that, I think there seems to be something unnatural about dying. I think inside all of us, maybe the reason we can't imagine being dead is because we know we're really not supposed to. Maybe we can't imagine it because we never do die (spiritually).

Okay, as you can see by the time stamp on my post, it's late. And I'm rambling. Goodnight.