Monday, September 8, 2008

I Am Not Bitter, Am I?

I'm Not Bitter, am I?

I posed a question to a friend of mine the other day: how do I come across to you, emotionally speaking? The response: well, honestly, a little bitter. Wow. His answer just hit me like a pillow case filled with sand to the face. I was floored. I couldn't believe it. But then I thought about it; and I realized, it was the truth.

For one reason or another, I guess I have been bitter lately - or, some would say, for a long time. And though close friends have said it in the past, I never really believed it. A while back, one friend went so far as to say that he thought I would have more friends if I wasn't so depressingly negative about everything.

So the question becomes "why?" And after thinking about this issue for a few days, I may have the answer: I think I deserve more than I've been given. I think I'm entitled to greater musical success, greater wealth, greater joy, greater whatever than everyone else.

I think one remedy to this problem of pride is simply reminding myself of who I actually am: a flawed creature, who sometimes (even often) wants to do good but either doesn't or doesn't know how to. Willful omissions leave rights undone.

And so I will do well to remember who I am, what I have been forgiven, and how I have been blessed by the things that I *do* have, knowing that I have been given all that I need.

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