Always Recovering, Never Recovered

After a week on the road, and a week home, "recovering", (sorry for the delay in posts. I've been seriously crazy busy with working through details for an upcoming show and a trip to California - where I now am) I've discovered something:

The life of a touring songwriter is one of continuous recovery, yet without ever fully recovering. The word "recovery" brings with it this idea of "getting back to full strength" or even "settling in to regular, normal life again." Both of these ideas are two which can be creativity and motivation killers.

If you're comfortable (a state to which humans tend to gravitate towards), you're disinterested in change. If you're disinterested in change, you will never dream. And one can't pursue dreams that don't exist.

Many of you know that I'm a dreamer. But I can tell you that my dreams have never felt as alive as they have these past two weeks. It's a feeling I never again want to lose, and I hope it sets the trajectory for my life for many years to come. I never want to be comfortable. I never want to settle. I never want to recover.

Let me strive. Let me press on. Let me be thankful for being given these opportunities - experiences and successes I don't deserve. Let me be alive. Let me try and fail, and try again. Let me continue to learn how to love. Let me long for better days, but let me enjoy these moments today.

Yes, It's 2:30 AM

Yes, it's 2:30 AM. And yes, I will be up for atleast another half hour. And yes, I will be in a car by 7 AM to drive to New Have, CT, where I have to be by tomorrow (today), early evening. Right now, I'm at my Aunt Simona's house, in Cleveland Heights, OH. I had a great time tonight, hanging out with her and her husband, David, along with a bunch of their friends. We watched an okay new episode of SNL and played Taboo.

Thanks to everyone who bought merch at my Borders show! You all made my night! You rock!

Time to shower. Then bed. Tomorrow, expect lots of coffee.

New Tour Vlog and Pics Up! Day 2

Here are a couple links. Watch it on YT or FB:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuKH0Dckj5I
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=534276329277

I also uploaded new tour pics to Flickr:

http://flickr.com/photos/jaymathes

Packing

Many of you know that tomorrow I embark on my first-ever tour. It's not long - only seven performances in six days, including travel. But it's still really exciting. I get to start it all off by playing at one of my favorite places on earth: The University of Illinois, Champaign, IL. Tonight I told my parents, who are this day celebrating their 31st anniversary, that "it took me ten years [to go on the road], but I'm finally doing it." Thank you. Everyone.

Well, it's back to wrapping things up. And packing. Yeah. Lot's still to do. And I'm way behind.

I Am Not Bitter, Am I?

I'm Not Bitter, am I?

I posed a question to a friend of mine the other day: how do I come across to you, emotionally speaking? The response: well, honestly, a little bitter. Wow. His answer just hit me like a pillow case filled with sand to the face. I was floored. I couldn't believe it. But then I thought about it; and I realized, it was the truth.

For one reason or another, I guess I have been bitter lately - or, some would say, for a long time. And though close friends have said it in the past, I never really believed it. A while back, one friend went so far as to say that he thought I would have more friends if I wasn't so depressingly negative about everything.

So the question becomes "why?" And after thinking about this issue for a few days, I may have the answer: I think I deserve more than I've been given. I think I'm entitled to greater musical success, greater wealth, greater joy, greater whatever than everyone else.

I think one remedy to this problem of pride is simply reminding myself of who I actually am: a flawed creature, who sometimes (even often) wants to do good but either doesn't or doesn't know how to. Willful omissions leave rights undone.

And so I will do well to remember who I am, what I have been forgiven, and how I have been blessed by the things that I *do* have, knowing that I have been given all that I need.

Rainy Day in Chicago

I rode my bike to work today. It was raining. It's 10 PM right now, and I'm home. Thanks, mom, for picking me up, so I didn't have to ride home in the rain, too! Actually, I'll tell you something: I'll take riding in the rain over riding in the cold (or snow) any day! But, today did remind me of how great the weather has been this summer. I don't think I have ridden in the rain in over a month - maybe two.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow, and making final preparations this week for my tour. And I'm even still hoping to line up a few more shows! Maybe I'll play in Cleveland and New Haven...

What a Back Ache...

So, honestly, I have never, ever before in my life had a back ache. Today, I type in pain. It's not horrible, but it's bad. What's it from? you ask. Well, just over a week ago, I switched to new, hybrid tires on my mountain bike. The sleeker tires are faster, thinner, and take a higher PSI, but I *think* it's taking a toll on my body - my back being the first, visible effect of the new tires.

Why do I care, and why should you? Well, from September 11th through the 15th, I have shows every night, and I would sure like to hope that I'll be healthy for those - able to jump around, have some fun on stage, etc.

But I don't know the plans for my life - the specifics, that is. I know all of the "plans to prosper you...", " meant it for good", "all things work together for the good..." lines. But I'm talking about the *hows*. And here's what I've concluded at the end of this night:

However I think it's going to happen is not how it will.

I've heard it said that God's ways are "counter-intuitive", and I believe that. I never would have thought that I could schedule three shows of a mini-tour less than two weeks before I hit the road, but I'm confident that it is the least likely way for it to happen, which *should* mean, actually, that it's the most likely.