Resurrection Power

I'm not getting spiritual on anybody here. I believe that I will be resurrected one day. What!?! You may say. Well, here's the deal: if we're here for 70 or so years and we're gone, and that's totally it, then all of life is a sham. Seventy years is nothing compared with not living - not even existing - for an infinite number of days in the future.

Wow. That feels messed up to think about. Yeah, think about it for a minute. Have you ever done that? I do it too often probably. I think about what it would be like to not exist. To not be.

I have to believe in resurrection because it's the only way for me to not be depressed about eminent death. It knocks at the door for us all and there seems to be no way to stop it. I recently tweeted out a couple things regarding life and death - actually, more about how to live... (You have to read the bottom one first.)

So I asked myself the same questions. Here's what I've decided:

1. Yep, I'd do a few things differently.

Here's what I *would* do:

• Buy that really sweet acoustic guitar I've always wanted but never thought I could afford.
• Buy a vintage tube amp and jam on it. Cranked.
• Write music. A lot. Then I'd record it.
• Go on a trip to somewhere cool with my family.
• Buy an iPhone.
• Listen to music constantly.
• Make my wife take off a couple weeks of work.
• Finally get that Last Will and Testament written up :)
• Take lots of pictures.
• Eat a lots of pizza.
• Go for a run or hike or something.
• Say goodbye. Probably have a party.
• Be really scared.
• Read the Bible.
• Share with people about what I think living is all about.
• Blog about what it's like to know exactly when you're going to die.

And here's what I *wouldn't* do:

• Waste my time watching movies or TV shows (you know deep down it's just a waste of time)
• Put off saying sorry.
• Get upset at my boy for stupid stuff.
• Worry about backing up hard drives.
• Record other peoples' music (sorry currently scheduled friends)
• Teach guitar lessons (sorry students! you know I love ya!)
• Try to meet the grim reaper early.
• Check my Facebook wall.
• Exercise rigorously.

And so, I hope to be resurrected one day. Why? Because I don't want to die. And I have to hope - because the alternative is terrifying.

Here you have it. The resurrected blog. About stuff that I think matters. Because talking about anything else is just like vegging out in front of the box. Get out. Do something. Be intentional. Stop reading my blog.

More posts coming soon, as I see fit.

You can follow me on Twitter, too: @jaymathesmusic

When it's All Worth it

Raising kids is hard. It's a complicated process that never ends - not even when they're "grown up" and out of the house. That's because as we teach our children, we're also ourselves learning how to teach them. And every lesson taught - and learned - or re-taught and re-learned - is again another new lesson - because the circumstances have changed: you're older, the child is older, the day's events are different, and every variable is different. The weather is different, too!

Raising kids is complicated - not just because it is - but because it's what we call life. Life is complicated. There are new variables every single day. You can't even perform the same, simple task the same way from one day to the next. Take a less simple task as an example: you learn to walk as a toddler. Then you run. Then you gain speed and mobility. You train. You run further, faster, longer. Then you get older. You lose some of your edge. And sometimes, you lose your ability to run at all. Or even walk. You can't approach running in the same way from one day to the next because you're not the same person from one day to the next. Life changes. It's one of only two constants*.

But here's the deal: some of the most memorable moments in the last six years of my feeble existence have been spent with my children. Those moments almost always relate to something they've done - a laugh, a tumble, a word or sentence, a mess.

These moments make you realize that yeah, as cliche as it sounds, you wouldn't trade your kids or these hard days for the world. Psalm 127:3. This post has made me start to think about some of those moments in my own life, going as far back as I can remember. I think I'm going to try to compile a list of them and post them here over the next year or so. (It will take a while to remember them, to think through the years, and I don't want to miss any.)

If you're wondering what that picture is in this post, it's my son's bedroom after he decided to remove all of his books from the bookshelf.

We're Here to Help

I met with a friend today whom I hadn't seen in months - probably close to four. His wife had a baby about eight weeks ago, and 12 weeks ago, my wife had a baby, and 16 weeks ago, my family moved a half hour away from where we used to live. It makes spending time with former friends difficult and many times, just plain unmanageable. But not today.

So his wife just had a baby; and, just like me, he's a stay-at-home dad (whatever that means). It's not the easiest road to travel, and now my friend and I can empathize with each other and those dads around the country who stay at home during the day and make less money that their wives.

We concluded our time together, our babies in hand, by me saying a few words of encouragement and praying for him. The main point I wanted to drive home was that we'd always be available to him and his wife if they needed to talk, bounce ideas off of us, hang out, pray with or for them, or otherwise agonize together as parents.

Megan and I want to be known as doers of friendship, not just lip service friends. We want you to know that if there is anything we can do for *you*, we're here to help.

When I'm Not Me

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:CrayonLogs.jpg

Over the past month, I've had conversations with two different friends about what it means to be "me" - whoever you are. We all came to the same conclusion:

One thing that makes you you is that you find special satisfaction in doing a particular type (or types) of work. You've been uniquely gifted, and if you're not regularly exercising those gifts, you're acting contrary to how you were created to act.

Those gifts could be anything: dancing, typing, editing, marketing, talking with people, building, designing, writing, punching or crunching numbers, analyzing, caring for someone, snapping a picture, digging holes, driving, teaching, learning - whatever. The thing is, sometimes your desired vocation doesn't turn out to be your occupation - at least for a particular season in life. But hang in there. I say that as one who struggles with this very thing.

Just to clarify: vocation is just one part of who we are. It isn't the whole person. It's not even the most important part of the whole. But it's a part that gets over-emphasized in countries like the USA.

Supporting the Companies that Support Climbing

Something has been bothering me lately.

Two days ago, I received the newest issue of Vertical Times in my mail box (yes, mail box). I read through it immediately. I got to the second-to-last page and, as always, I am careful to review the entire list of corporate donors. Until this evening, I couldn't tell you why I do that. I couldn't put my finger on it, but now I can tell you: I was interested in seeing which companies are actively involved in the climbing community - which companies demonstrate a vested interest in the activities that I'm interested in.

But why does that matter? In some of the same ways that it makes sense to "buy local" (stimulating the local economy, local owners have an interest in the community prospering, these people are often our immediate friends and family, their product offering can be, and often is, unique and nearly one-of-a-kind, and they often support other, fellow local businesses and causes), it makes sense to support the companies that support your interests - in my case and those of many of my friends, climbing.

Here's a list of the AF's current corporate donors: http://www.accessfund.org/site/c.tmL5KhNWLrH/b.4992449/k.C75D/Corporate_partners.htm

For starters, let me say that I don't know over what amount of time these donations have come in. They may reflect lifetime donations by an organization. I plan to contact the AF to see what the numbers actually mean, and I'll update that on this post.

A couple things surprised me about the list:

1. PrAna, which I thought to be a fairly small organization, is one of the top five donors. Experience has told me that PrAna makes the absolute most comfortable climbing clothing ever, but I did not expect a top five from them. It really makes me wonder why we don't see other brands that make apparel that high up the list: Marmot, Mammut, and Arc'teryx, in particular.

2. I didn't think Outdoor Research made that big of an impact in the climbing world. I guess I was wrong.

Here's the biggie, and here's really what sparked this post:

3...

Yesterday, I was at my local climbing gym, Vertical Endeavors, in Warrenville, IL. I looked around and this is what I saw: 8 out of 10 climbing harnesses on 70+ climbers were Black Diamond brand. Another 10% were Petzl and the final 10 were probably Wild County, Mammut, etc. That's a lot of cash going Black Diamond's way from the climbing community.

I then thought about my own, personal gear: carabiners, quickdraws, slings, harnesses, nuts, cams, tents. I'd say 80% of my climbing gear is Black Diamond brand, 10% is Petzl, and the final 10 is a combination of Trango, Metolius, and C.A.M.P. Again, that's a lot of money going to Black Diamond.

Considering these sorts of numbers, Black Diamond should be able to donate eight times the amount of money that Petzl donates and closer to 16 times the amount that Mammut donates. But on the Access Fund donor list, all three companies are in the same bracket. The simple numbers here mean that Black Diamond should easily be in the next rung up. (They all give/have given between $50 and $100k.)

4...

About one year ago, I wrote a letter to Mountain Hardwear, expressing my unhappiness with where their company ranked on the Access Fund donor list. The company did eventually respond by saying that they donate to a number of organizations and are constantly working on giving more. Interestingly enough, the company is not listed in the current issue of Vertical Times, though they are listed on the donor list on Accessfund.org. I'll have to contact the AF to see what the deal is there.

My next step:

1. I'll call the AF and see what's up.
2. I'll write a letter to Black Diamond.
3. I'll buy my coffee from Intelligentsia (who gave the Access Fund between $250 and $500!)

Starting Over

Have you ever wished that life had a "do over" button?

When I was younger, I used to say, literally, "This is my life. No regrets. I am who I am today because of what happened yesterday. End of story."

Do I still believe it? That's a hard question to answer.

Yes, I'm a product of my past, so at least that much is true.

But do I regret any of my past? Maybe the answer is "It doesn't matter, even if you do."

As a famous meerkat once said, "You got to put your past behind you."

Tonight I've got the whole evening to work on writing new music. My wife has graciously let me out of the house (and agreed to watch the chiluns). But I'm tired and having a hard time getting inspired. So I'm blogging instead, for now.

I'm hoping this whole process will inspire me - and you - to remember that "life's a dance, you learn as you go..."

PS: Anybody else getting freaked out by these crazy "appeals" on Wikipedia?!?!

Do over button image: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCPDB0QlqNs

What All Great Music Does

Life is never what we expect.

Curve balls are thrown. Your dad gets cancer. You don't end up with the career you always envisioned. Your almost 30 and still single. You feel pressured to achieve the unachievable - the unidentifiably unachievable.

This is what life is.

Life is messy. Life is full of disappointments. Life is imperfect. Broken. Difficult. Desperate.

But great music can help.

There is one thing that all great songs have in common: they fill us with a sense of longing for a perfect, eternal future. They remind us that a glorious future is possible. They even contain within them a glimmer of that reality, and for a few, brief moments, we can be there. In that moment. At peace.

Music helps me to continue living.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately: what does it mean to be human? I think it means exactly what I've already described about the human experience: you feel disappointment and long for unattainable fulfillment. Or is it unattainable?

Many of my friends call me spiritual. Few call me religious.

I'd say if ever there were a need to believe in God it would be because we humans know that this unquenchable longing can not be satisfied by what we do, have, or accomplish. History has shown us that our deepest human desires can't be fulfilled by our own achievement. Time and again people "at the top" are the hardest to fall. They seemingly have everything and yet, they lose it all - and eventually, die like the rest of us. Have your actions, relationships, or possessions brought you perfect fulfillment yet? I'm guessing not.

We have to believe God exists. Without Him, we are utterly without hope of having our longings fulfilled. We already know we can't make it happen ourselves.

And I'd say that if ever there were a reason to believe that God can actually do it - can actually placate my (and your!) frenzied hunger - its because when I listen to great music - in that oh so small, fleeting moment, that's exactly what actually happens. I feel redeemed.

God exists because an unquenchable longing exists in our hearts that can't be satisfied by human activity - and we have to believe that this longing can be satisfied by something out of this world. And God is in fact able to do it because he gives us pieces of that satiety through music.

Do I think there's more to the story? Oh yeah. By grace, I'm trying to learn more of it every day.

"THAT Neighbor"

Until recently, I had never heard of someone described as "THAT neighbor" before. I had no idea what the phrase meant. I have since figured it out.

Ironically, the one who first introduced me to the term has turned out to be the purest embodiment of the word's definition that I have ever encountered. Now knowing the definition, I can say that over the course of my lifetime, I have had several "THAT neighbors": growing up, the pot smoker next door; the drug dealer upstairs; the video game-playing insomniac raver; and now... well, I'd rather not give a description yet.

Here's my working, evolving definition of "THAT neighbor":

Someone who lives next door to you (or above or below you) who habitually, carelessly breaks the spoken or unspoken rules of your neighborhood.

A shorter definition might be much simpler:

"THAT neighbor" = the neighbor that nobody ever wants

Or:

"THAT neighbor" = a bad neighbor

So here's the real issue at hand: now that we have identified who these people are and what they do, we have to decide how we're going to deal with, and interact with, them.

The bottom line is this: I'm convinced that God demands of us all that we treat all others with infinite respect, as we would wish to be treated - even when we screw up - because all people are inherently valuable to him. But more than that, I believe that I am personally expected to act with an impossible amount of grace and patience - to demonstrate a level of love that I am incapable of showing to anyone in my own strength.

With great difficulty, I say here: "I love my neighbor." Now comes the hard part: showing it. By how I act, what I say - both to her and to others about her, and how often I go out of my way to show her that I care.

The Strange Tendency of History to Repeat

@jaymathesmusic: Reading "The Forty Days of Musa Dagh" right now. Why can't we prevent history from repeating itself? Oh yeah, now I remember: politics.

Clarification: I'm reading a translation, in English...  The picture to the left is a copy of the first edition.

I'm only one hundred pages in to the book right now, but a lot of what I've read so far sounds vaguely familiar: Nazi Germany, Sudan, and the Trail of Tears all come to mind.

I do have one, big clarification, though, on my tweet: I think there are occasions where the main reason countries do no intervene in preventing genocide is because they do not have the resources - financial or otherwise - to stop it. For all practical purposes, this was probably a big factor in WW2. Not most of Europe together could stop Nazi Germany, even though they wanted to.

I think at the heart of this global problem is the fact that people inherently react to events with self preservation as the highest priority. I can bring this theory in to the practical: I love my son. Very much. But when he runs at me when I'm lying on the floor, full-speed, and I don't see him until the last instant, my only reaction is to lift my arm, shielding my body from the blow, regardless of the consequences to him. Thank God I haven't hurt him yet this way, but he has definitely lost his breath on a number of occasions.


I'd just like to humbly conclude by saying that this is an area of great interest to me, and one that I know almost nothing about. I tend* to be a serious cynic when in comes politics, and the American political system, in particular, and this obviously affects my views here. I'm open to discovering the truth behind what I'm talking about - even if it means revising my entire view of the matter.

Finding Significance in Your Work

It might come to a surprise to some of you, but the majority of songwriters and music artists struggle to earn enough money to make ends meet. That means that the majority of songwriters often find themselves employed doing work completely unrelated to their music. And I think that's okay - for a season.

For my own part, I've spent several hours this past week trying to drum up new business, new gigs (music- and non-music related), and I've come to one [I think] very important conclusion: wherever you work, and whatever you do, it has to be "work worth doing":

"Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing."

- Theodore Roosevelt.

If your current job is just a job or just a way to pay the bills, I'd suggest seeking new employment. Why? Because jobs like that burn people out. These are positions that are a part of the modern corporate machine, but don't really add value to our or any other peoples' lives.  Some might say, "Yeah, but these things have to be done by somebody." And to that I say, "You're right." But why should it be done by you? Find something else where you *know* you are adding value to society - not just to your 401k.

Life is too short to be somebody's tool. I want to be a tool for change.

Instrumental Record?

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Always a bad sign. Why? Because it means that you're not happy, I think. I have a lot of "unfinished" songs sitting in a drawer right now, and I was thinking about the best way to finish the songs. I listened to some of the sketch recordings I made and I came to a conclusion: one way to finish all of these songs is to keep them instrumental. They range the gamut, stylistically, and not all of them even need words to stand - the melodies and instrumentation can hold themselves up as is. So I just might do that. It would be yet another non-Jay Mathes "project" that I'm a part of, but it might be worthwhile, especially considering it might give me more material to pitch to advertisers, TV, movies, and video games. Just a thought. I'll keep you posted.

Luck and the Art of Waiting

Waiting isn't exactly the same thing as trusting in something to happen.

One of my favorite college professors (his name was Jun) once said that luck isn't being in the right place at the right time, it's putting yourself in a position to be in the right place at the right time.

And I believe him. If we're just talking semantics.

I actually don't believe in luck at all, which is why I made my first statement about waiting. I actually think that a better way to describe my professor's idea of luck is to call it "active waiting". You see, it's knowing (or trusting) that something is going to happen if you just keep going for it. You take steps that move you forward, and sometimes, if you're going the right direction, you'll hit opportunities that can push you even higher.

This is in contrast to just plain ol' "waiting", which means that you're sitting on your keister and still expecting something to happen. And you'd be right - something will: you'll get fat, dumb, anti-productive, and altogether zombified by that glowing box you sit in front of.

So as for me, I find myself in a season of active waiting. Actually, I can't remember a time when I haven't been in this sort of a season. I expect big things to happen and I am actively engaged in trying to make them happen. But I don't think they'll happen because of what I do. Does that make sense? Ultimately, I think they'll happen because they were destined to. (And yes, I do believe in destiny; but not the kind that is most common today, in our culture.)

It's a really uncomfortable place to be, but isn't all of life really uncomfortable anyways? Isn't it better to actually be able to identify the discomfort and just deal with what you believe to be going on through it all? I think so.

One of Top-Ten Most-Depressing Professions

I just read an article from Health.com about 10 Careers With High Rates of Depression, and guess what? Artists/Entertainers/Writers made the list! Nice. Well, isn't that odd? These very people have sought to make a living doing the very thing which they are most compelled to do - most would say most inspired to do. Even so, artists strive for creative "success", and once found, they still find something to complain - nay, to be downright depressed - about. How is this?

Rabbit trail: for starters, let me say that there's quite a buzz about this article on the music industry blogs... that is, of course, how I found it myself. Specifically, I read about it HERE. And for the record, I mostly agree with what Chris R. at CDBaby.com has said. We differ mostly in our worldviews, which is to say, I think Chris would say that self-help tactics (such as those he has listed) actually work, where as I would say that, ultimately, they do not.

Now to answer the question how...

Let me preface this by saying that I haven't worked out all of the details of my argument here and I'm open to discussion. If I have something wrong, I'd like to hear about it.

I really think it's quite simple. There are two things going on in the minds of artists:

1) Artists channel their feelings to create art. You can't just create excellent art void of any feeling. I don't believe it happens. Art requires emotion.

2) Artists, like those in all other professions as well - all humans! - are on some level discontent with life. I believe that this sense of discontentment is the dominating emotion of our culture - and maybe of every culture that has ever existed. Thus, when channeling emotions to create art, an overwhelming majority of the time, the art produced will represent an aspect of a life of discontentment.

Simple enough logic?

Now, two major questions to tackle on this one:

A) What about love songs? I thought there were more songs about love than anything else.

Yes, you'll often here it said that the most popular song topic is love. But, I, for one, have never seen a study on the subject, so I'm hesitant to agree with answers.com. [Who do they have answering this junk anyway?] And in any case, I'm going to guess that half of the songs about love are actually songs about heartbreak. And even if that's not the case, underneath the words of many, many a love song is, in fact, a longing to be understood, to belong, to be content.

B) So how do we truly solve this human issue of discontentment?

Artists try to solve it by writing about it. Many non-artists try to solve it by listening to art, by watching art, by looking at it or eating it or consuming it. There are other ways that people try, too. "Love" - whatever that means - is also another way that we try to solve it.

But it never works.

The songwriter always has to write one more song. The investment manager always has to get one more paycheck. The church always just needs one more program. But this is also just a part of life in this world. We need certain things to survive, don't we? Money. Clothing. Shelter. Food. For the man or woman of this world - and for most artists - there is no contentment to be found here.

But I have found contentment somewhere, though many of my closest friends witness my chronic struggle with being discontent week in and week out:

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Any Good?

Does any good come from being sick? Some might say yes.

Certainly nothing good happens while you are sick, if you know what I'm saying - unless, of course, you'd rather feel horrible than go to school or work...

The bottom line is that being sick sucks. Taking care of someone who is sick sucks slightly less; but in this case, you hate to see the person suffer through it. The only thing worse is being sick yourself and still having to take care of someone else, who is also sick.

Some would say that being sick reminds you to long for days without any sickness at all. Some would call those days "heaven." I think I've even said it. And quite frankly, I'm sick of being reminded by life to long for a day when everything that's wrong in this world gets fixed. Every problem is solved. No more suffering. No more sickness. No more pain. No more weariness. No more burden of life. No more miscommunication (I upset someone I love this morning, on the phone, by being insensitive and choosing the wrong words). I'm sick of feeling sick. (By the way, I'm not physically sick in the sense of having the flu or anything.)

I want the perfected creation now. Does that phrase make sense? You probably have never heard it before. It pretty much means exactly what it sounds like: every animate and inanimate object in the entire universe functions exactly as it ought to. Everything is "right." That's what it means.

So what can we do about it? Well, I'm still working on an answer to that. At the very least, I think having that sick feeling in your stomach - that longing for the pain to go away - longing for it to go away so badly that it makes you sicker to think about it - is a good place to start.

I think maybe another good place to start might be to make a list. I might do this. I'll right down the things that I see wrong in the world and see if I can find a way to counter it and, ultimately, correct it. I think I will start with my own life.

There are definitely a lot of things that I'd change about myself, if I could. For one thing, I definitely value my career too highly. Career. Ha! Well, I'm going to take some time right now to think about how I can temper how I value my music, and I'll report back - maybe tomorrow - on what I discover...

Photo by: Joel Sage.