Resurrection Power

I'm not getting spiritual on anybody here. I believe that I will be resurrected one day. What!?! You may say. Well, here's the deal: if we're here for 70 or so years and we're gone, and that's totally it, then all of life is a sham. Seventy years is nothing compared with not living - not even existing - for an infinite number of days in the future.

Wow. That feels messed up to think about. Yeah, think about it for a minute. Have you ever done that? I do it too often probably. I think about what it would be like to not exist. To not be.

I have to believe in resurrection because it's the only way for me to not be depressed about eminent death. It knocks at the door for us all and there seems to be no way to stop it. I recently tweeted out a couple things regarding life and death - actually, more about how to live... (You have to read the bottom one first.)

So I asked myself the same questions. Here's what I've decided:

1. Yep, I'd do a few things differently.

Here's what I *would* do:

• Buy that really sweet acoustic guitar I've always wanted but never thought I could afford.
• Buy a vintage tube amp and jam on it. Cranked.
• Write music. A lot. Then I'd record it.
• Go on a trip to somewhere cool with my family.
• Buy an iPhone.
• Listen to music constantly.
• Make my wife take off a couple weeks of work.
• Finally get that Last Will and Testament written up :)
• Take lots of pictures.
• Eat a lots of pizza.
• Go for a run or hike or something.
• Say goodbye. Probably have a party.
• Be really scared.
• Read the Bible.
• Share with people about what I think living is all about.
• Blog about what it's like to know exactly when you're going to die.

And here's what I *wouldn't* do:

• Waste my time watching movies or TV shows (you know deep down it's just a waste of time)
• Put off saying sorry.
• Get upset at my boy for stupid stuff.
• Worry about backing up hard drives.
• Record other peoples' music (sorry currently scheduled friends)
• Teach guitar lessons (sorry students! you know I love ya!)
• Try to meet the grim reaper early.
• Check my Facebook wall.
• Exercise rigorously.

And so, I hope to be resurrected one day. Why? Because I don't want to die. And I have to hope - because the alternative is terrifying.

Here you have it. The resurrected blog. About stuff that I think matters. Because talking about anything else is just like vegging out in front of the box. Get out. Do something. Be intentional. Stop reading my blog.

More posts coming soon, as I see fit.

You can follow me on Twitter, too: @jaymathesmusic

When it's All Worth it

Raising kids is hard. It's a complicated process that never ends - not even when they're "grown up" and out of the house. That's because as we teach our children, we're also ourselves learning how to teach them. And every lesson taught - and learned - or re-taught and re-learned - is again another new lesson - because the circumstances have changed: you're older, the child is older, the day's events are different, and every variable is different. The weather is different, too!

Raising kids is complicated - not just because it is - but because it's what we call life. Life is complicated. There are new variables every single day. You can't even perform the same, simple task the same way from one day to the next. Take a less simple task as an example: you learn to walk as a toddler. Then you run. Then you gain speed and mobility. You train. You run further, faster, longer. Then you get older. You lose some of your edge. And sometimes, you lose your ability to run at all. Or even walk. You can't approach running in the same way from one day to the next because you're not the same person from one day to the next. Life changes. It's one of only two constants*.

But here's the deal: some of the most memorable moments in the last six years of my feeble existence have been spent with my children. Those moments almost always relate to something they've done - a laugh, a tumble, a word or sentence, a mess.

These moments make you realize that yeah, as cliche as it sounds, you wouldn't trade your kids or these hard days for the world. Psalm 127:3. This post has made me start to think about some of those moments in my own life, going as far back as I can remember. I think I'm going to try to compile a list of them and post them here over the next year or so. (It will take a while to remember them, to think through the years, and I don't want to miss any.)

If you're wondering what that picture is in this post, it's my son's bedroom after he decided to remove all of his books from the bookshelf.

We're Here to Help

I met with a friend today whom I hadn't seen in months - probably close to four. His wife had a baby about eight weeks ago, and 12 weeks ago, my wife had a baby, and 16 weeks ago, my family moved a half hour away from where we used to live. It makes spending time with former friends difficult and many times, just plain unmanageable. But not today.

So his wife just had a baby; and, just like me, he's a stay-at-home dad (whatever that means). It's not the easiest road to travel, and now my friend and I can empathize with each other and those dads around the country who stay at home during the day and make less money that their wives.

We concluded our time together, our babies in hand, by me saying a few words of encouragement and praying for him. The main point I wanted to drive home was that we'd always be available to him and his wife if they needed to talk, bounce ideas off of us, hang out, pray with or for them, or otherwise agonize together as parents.

Megan and I want to be known as doers of friendship, not just lip service friends. We want you to know that if there is anything we can do for *you*, we're here to help.

When I'm Not Me

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:CrayonLogs.jpg

Over the past month, I've had conversations with two different friends about what it means to be "me" - whoever you are. We all came to the same conclusion:

One thing that makes you you is that you find special satisfaction in doing a particular type (or types) of work. You've been uniquely gifted, and if you're not regularly exercising those gifts, you're acting contrary to how you were created to act.

Those gifts could be anything: dancing, typing, editing, marketing, talking with people, building, designing, writing, punching or crunching numbers, analyzing, caring for someone, snapping a picture, digging holes, driving, teaching, learning - whatever. The thing is, sometimes your desired vocation doesn't turn out to be your occupation - at least for a particular season in life. But hang in there. I say that as one who struggles with this very thing.

Just to clarify: vocation is just one part of who we are. It isn't the whole person. It's not even the most important part of the whole. But it's a part that gets over-emphasized in countries like the USA.

Starting Over

Have you ever wished that life had a "do over" button?

When I was younger, I used to say, literally, "This is my life. No regrets. I am who I am today because of what happened yesterday. End of story."

Do I still believe it? That's a hard question to answer.

Yes, I'm a product of my past, so at least that much is true.

But do I regret any of my past? Maybe the answer is "It doesn't matter, even if you do."

As a famous meerkat once said, "You got to put your past behind you."

Tonight I've got the whole evening to work on writing new music. My wife has graciously let me out of the house (and agreed to watch the chiluns). But I'm tired and having a hard time getting inspired. So I'm blogging instead, for now.

I'm hoping this whole process will inspire me - and you - to remember that "life's a dance, you learn as you go..."

PS: Anybody else getting freaked out by these crazy "appeals" on Wikipedia?!?!

Do over button image: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCPDB0QlqNs

I Don't HAVE to, I GET to

I love my family.

Sometimes they're difficult. Sometimes they prevent me from doing the things I love to do. But this is all just a part of life, isn't it? Anything can cause us difficulty or keep us from having fun, etc...

I think I'm learning that when you truly love, you're choosing to be in pain - as you love. Here's why:

Love is sacrificial - self-giving, other-oriented, not selfish at all. What does selfishness look like? Putting your desires above the desires of those you love, and when you don't get what you want, you make a big stink about it. (Keep in mind, love isn't one-way - it happens in relationship, so both people have to be giving of themselves, and sometimes it works out that someone is sacrificially loving you - you're the receiver.)

Next, when you hang your heart on the line - when you love - you're bound to be let down by the people you love. People suck. People hurt the people they love the most. Why? They don't really do it on purpose. It's a product of the fact that we spend the majority of our time with the people we love the most. People are prone to act contrary to the way they were originally designed to act (in perfect love).

Now here's how this post relates to my title:

A selfish man would say, "I have to stay home with my children during the day, so my wife can work a steady job." A loving man would say, "I get to stay home with my kids..." I'll be honest. I'm definitely feeling somewhere in between today. Of course, it's because I'm not perfect and I struggle with selfishness - probably more than the next man! But you can't say I'm not trying to work on or figure out how to fully, truly say "I get to..."

Also, my kids are cute. Seth in the leaves and Eleanor with wide eyes.

What All Great Music Does

Life is never what we expect.

Curve balls are thrown. Your dad gets cancer. You don't end up with the career you always envisioned. Your almost 30 and still single. You feel pressured to achieve the unachievable - the unidentifiably unachievable.

This is what life is.

Life is messy. Life is full of disappointments. Life is imperfect. Broken. Difficult. Desperate.

But great music can help.

There is one thing that all great songs have in common: they fill us with a sense of longing for a perfect, eternal future. They remind us that a glorious future is possible. They even contain within them a glimmer of that reality, and for a few, brief moments, we can be there. In that moment. At peace.

Music helps me to continue living.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately: what does it mean to be human? I think it means exactly what I've already described about the human experience: you feel disappointment and long for unattainable fulfillment. Or is it unattainable?

Many of my friends call me spiritual. Few call me religious.

I'd say if ever there were a need to believe in God it would be because we humans know that this unquenchable longing can not be satisfied by what we do, have, or accomplish. History has shown us that our deepest human desires can't be fulfilled by our own achievement. Time and again people "at the top" are the hardest to fall. They seemingly have everything and yet, they lose it all - and eventually, die like the rest of us. Have your actions, relationships, or possessions brought you perfect fulfillment yet? I'm guessing not.

We have to believe God exists. Without Him, we are utterly without hope of having our longings fulfilled. We already know we can't make it happen ourselves.

And I'd say that if ever there were a reason to believe that God can actually do it - can actually placate my (and your!) frenzied hunger - its because when I listen to great music - in that oh so small, fleeting moment, that's exactly what actually happens. I feel redeemed.

God exists because an unquenchable longing exists in our hearts that can't be satisfied by human activity - and we have to believe that this longing can be satisfied by something out of this world. And God is in fact able to do it because he gives us pieces of that satiety through music.

Do I think there's more to the story? Oh yeah. By grace, I'm trying to learn more of it every day.

"THAT Neighbor"

Until recently, I had never heard of someone described as "THAT neighbor" before. I had no idea what the phrase meant. I have since figured it out.

Ironically, the one who first introduced me to the term has turned out to be the purest embodiment of the word's definition that I have ever encountered. Now knowing the definition, I can say that over the course of my lifetime, I have had several "THAT neighbors": growing up, the pot smoker next door; the drug dealer upstairs; the video game-playing insomniac raver; and now... well, I'd rather not give a description yet.

Here's my working, evolving definition of "THAT neighbor":

Someone who lives next door to you (or above or below you) who habitually, carelessly breaks the spoken or unspoken rules of your neighborhood.

A shorter definition might be much simpler:

"THAT neighbor" = the neighbor that nobody ever wants

Or:

"THAT neighbor" = a bad neighbor

So here's the real issue at hand: now that we have identified who these people are and what they do, we have to decide how we're going to deal with, and interact with, them.

The bottom line is this: I'm convinced that God demands of us all that we treat all others with infinite respect, as we would wish to be treated - even when we screw up - because all people are inherently valuable to him. But more than that, I believe that I am personally expected to act with an impossible amount of grace and patience - to demonstrate a level of love that I am incapable of showing to anyone in my own strength.

With great difficulty, I say here: "I love my neighbor." Now comes the hard part: showing it. By how I act, what I say - both to her and to others about her, and how often I go out of my way to show her that I care.

Blurb from My Latest Newsletter

I don't do this - ever, but I thought it would be good for you all to hear, if you haven't already read it in my latest newsletter... This is a cut and paste from the email I sent out to my music mailing list just a couple days ago, on August 26, 2011 (by the way, if you're not already on it, please sign up for my mailing list at http://jaymathes.com, filling out the mailing list form on the right side of the page, towards the top):

WHERE I'VE BEEN, WHERE I'M GOING

In just a few, short weeks, I will be the father of two, beautiful children. Having kids makes you think, and, paradoxically, gives you less time. Maybe what really happens is you just think better with what little time you have to think.

I've put in a lot of time - and money - into my music over the years. (I just realized that this past February marked the 10-year anniversary of the release of my album, Leave it All Behind.) Don't worry. This isn't a break-up letter.

I'm not losing steam - just trying to evaluate things. What I can say is that I'm even more inspired today by life than I ever have been. I can't help but write and perform. And I'm also even more excited by what I call a genuine musical experience. What I long to see in other recording artists - and what I long to show to you - is a picture of who the artist really is - not some projected image - some amalgamation of marketing tactics and strategies.

In an effort to better show you who I am, I'm going to continue doing what I do: writing music that comes from my heart, my experiences, and reflects who I am and how I feel. I might blog less. I might tweet more. I might be on Facebook less. I will write more music. I will post that music online. I will beg and ask for your support of that music.

Music keeps me going. If I lost my hearing, I'd self-combust.

Thanks for your support, and come on out on 9/4 if you can!

-Jay

Finding Significance in Your Work

It might come to a surprise to some of you, but the majority of songwriters and music artists struggle to earn enough money to make ends meet. That means that the majority of songwriters often find themselves employed doing work completely unrelated to their music. And I think that's okay - for a season.

For my own part, I've spent several hours this past week trying to drum up new business, new gigs (music- and non-music related), and I've come to one [I think] very important conclusion: wherever you work, and whatever you do, it has to be "work worth doing":

"Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing."

- Theodore Roosevelt.

If your current job is just a job or just a way to pay the bills, I'd suggest seeking new employment. Why? Because jobs like that burn people out. These are positions that are a part of the modern corporate machine, but don't really add value to our or any other peoples' lives.  Some might say, "Yeah, but these things have to be done by somebody." And to that I say, "You're right." But why should it be done by you? Find something else where you *know* you are adding value to society - not just to your 401k.

Life is too short to be somebody's tool. I want to be a tool for change.

A Human Struggle for Recognition

This morning, I had a little bit of time to think about why people blog. It was on my mind because I actually took some time today to read the blogs of a couple of good friends of mine. We don't read our friends' blogs (usually) because we already know what's going on in their lives, how they feel about things, and how they're continuing down this strange path of existence we call life.

The bottom line? We all struggle with a lot of different things, but there are common ones, too. Though there are obviously many reasons, I think blogging is motivated primarily by a desire to be recognized as a person, separate from everyone else. It's a desire to find meaning behind why we're alive; because if we're all pretty much the same, we all live, we all die, we're simply a part of the lineage of the human race, then what's really the point?

Humans don't just want to exist. They want to matter.

I don't think that I blog because I'm searching for answers so much myself, but that I kind of hope that I can help other people cope with that struggle - that desire - and can move them in the direction of discovery for themselves...

My new album, Fundamental, really is the closest I've come so far to expressing this and other struggles common to the human experience in my music. If you haven't yet, you should check it out, here:

http://jaymathes.com/music/fundamental

To some of you, I know I still owe you copies of the album. I'll try to make that happen this week. Sorry for the delay!

Picture: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:V-J_Day_Times_Square_NYWTS.jpg

The Notebook, 2012, and a Goal

Let me start off by saying that I've totally blown a few of my new year resolutions. One of those was to write - music or lyrics - every day. Hasn't happened. I've just lost the routine and now I am on a quest to find it again... Here, routinie, routinie, routinie... come here, boy. Wheredja go?....

Next, during the blizzard of 2011, Megan and I watched the movie 2012. Awful. I like Mr. Cusack, but this was bad. Two hours I can't get back.

Finally, in addition to trying to get back on the horse called Resolution, I have a crazy goal of having one article printed in a newspaper, ezine, or other medium every-other week for the next 12 weeks. So far, so good. Here's what we've had so far:

10 Jan 2011 - Chicago Sun-Times

18 Jan 2011 - Daily Herald

28 Jan 2011 - COD Courier

And next week (Wednesday), I'll have a pretty big spread in the Lombardian.

After that, I'm not sure where the next coverage will come from, but I'm optimistic that I can keep this streak going!

Talk to you soon, and look for me in your local paper!

-Jay

It Comes from Somewhere Deeper

In the exact opposite way that the dwarves of Middle Earth awoke something from the deep, driven by their greed for mithril, in these past 48 hours, I have found something deep within that has allowed me to work late in to the night promoting my art. I actually can't say what it is at all, or that I've even found it. Maybe it would be best to simply say that when I needed the grace to continue, it was there. It never failed.

Good night, Chicago.

Always Behind, Never Ahead

One problem that I always seem to have is feeling like I am behind, off-schedule, running late, or otherwise incapable of completing a task sufficiently by the deadline that has been set. In my case, the official record release concert for Fundamental is less than three weeks away and the official drop date is exactly three weeks away. Promoting the release show is just one aspect of promoting the record, and promoting the record doesn't just end after the release date.

That said, part of my day today will be spent figuring out what promotion is essential to complete prior to the release show and what can wait. And even more than that, what promotion will be more effective if it is staggered over time, as a part of a larger strategy to build a larger fan base?

These are the questions that an independent artist has to ask - in addition to all of the other, more creative ones: does the chorus on this recording need another guitar part? do those lyrics fit the theme of the rest of the song? what chord am I missing in there?

The trick for the next three weeks will be balancing my desire to be creative and my necessity to do all of the business-y things like handing out flyers, hanging posters, writing press releases, contacting the local media, etc.

One of Top-Ten Most-Depressing Professions

I just read an article from Health.com about 10 Careers With High Rates of Depression, and guess what? Artists/Entertainers/Writers made the list! Nice. Well, isn't that odd? These very people have sought to make a living doing the very thing which they are most compelled to do - most would say most inspired to do. Even so, artists strive for creative "success", and once found, they still find something to complain - nay, to be downright depressed - about. How is this?

Rabbit trail: for starters, let me say that there's quite a buzz about this article on the music industry blogs... that is, of course, how I found it myself. Specifically, I read about it HERE. And for the record, I mostly agree with what Chris R. at CDBaby.com has said. We differ mostly in our worldviews, which is to say, I think Chris would say that self-help tactics (such as those he has listed) actually work, where as I would say that, ultimately, they do not.

Now to answer the question how...

Let me preface this by saying that I haven't worked out all of the details of my argument here and I'm open to discussion. If I have something wrong, I'd like to hear about it.

I really think it's quite simple. There are two things going on in the minds of artists:

1) Artists channel their feelings to create art. You can't just create excellent art void of any feeling. I don't believe it happens. Art requires emotion.

2) Artists, like those in all other professions as well - all humans! - are on some level discontent with life. I believe that this sense of discontentment is the dominating emotion of our culture - and maybe of every culture that has ever existed. Thus, when channeling emotions to create art, an overwhelming majority of the time, the art produced will represent an aspect of a life of discontentment.

Simple enough logic?

Now, two major questions to tackle on this one:

A) What about love songs? I thought there were more songs about love than anything else.

Yes, you'll often here it said that the most popular song topic is love. But, I, for one, have never seen a study on the subject, so I'm hesitant to agree with answers.com. [Who do they have answering this junk anyway?] And in any case, I'm going to guess that half of the songs about love are actually songs about heartbreak. And even if that's not the case, underneath the words of many, many a love song is, in fact, a longing to be understood, to belong, to be content.

B) So how do we truly solve this human issue of discontentment?

Artists try to solve it by writing about it. Many non-artists try to solve it by listening to art, by watching art, by looking at it or eating it or consuming it. There are other ways that people try, too. "Love" - whatever that means - is also another way that we try to solve it.

But it never works.

The songwriter always has to write one more song. The investment manager always has to get one more paycheck. The church always just needs one more program. But this is also just a part of life in this world. We need certain things to survive, don't we? Money. Clothing. Shelter. Food. For the man or woman of this world - and for most artists - there is no contentment to be found here.

But I have found contentment somewhere, though many of my closest friends witness my chronic struggle with being discontent week in and week out:

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Push It, Mathes

Man, I'm tired. Over the past few days, I've been spending a ton of time serving my family - to the obvious neglect of my music. On some level, it's a sign of healthy priorities: people over achievement. But on another level, it means that when I finally do get around to working on music - like now - I really don't have any juice left. I just have to do the best I can.

The rest of tonight (2-3 hours) will be spent prepping for my show on Friday night. I just have to push it.

What I'm listening to right now: The Phantom of the Opera Soundtrack.

Mailing List Overhaul

So I just spent the last 30 minutes updating my music mailing list. Wow! That was depressing! Basically, I added back in all possible known email addresses for all individuals on the list to find out which ones bounce back as undeliverable. From the undeliverables, I'll know which addresses to trash from the list. In the past, I've kind of ignored the "failure notices", as Gmail calls them, when emails cannot reach a particular recipient (IE: an email address no longer exists).

It wasn't an astronomical number of failure notices - somewhere around 20 or so - but it's still enough to make you do a double-take. The question becomes: am I actually failing at this?

Excerpt from "I Asked the Lord" by John Newton

....I hoped that in some favored hour,
At once He’d answer my request;
And by His love’s constraining pow’r,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry pow’rs of hell
Assault my soul in every part....

Lord, why is this, I trembling cried,
Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?
“’Tis in this way, the Lord replied,
I answer prayer for grace and faith.

"These inward trials I employ,
From self, and pride, to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou may’st find thy all in Me.”

Thanksgiving Blues

What were you thankful for this year? Were you thankful for all the things you should have been thankful for?

For my own part, I can say that this was just an off year... I found it hard to be thankful. I am thankful, of course, but I definitely didn't show it like I usually do, and I definitely didn't feel thankful like I normally do.

I have been given so many things - stuff that I don't deserve. A good family, a roof over my head, food to eat, access to education, clean drinking water, and lots and lots of "stuff" - material possessions. Very little of this do I actually need. Most of these things are just bells and whistles - to make life easier, more convenient, more entertaining, or whatever.

At the end of the day, we should be thankful for everything, but most thankful for the essentials - the things we can't live without. This year, I have found myself asking for help to want to want to be thankful - mostly for the essentials:

Oh, when I come to die
Oh, when I come to die
Oh, when I come to die
Give me Jesus