...On Moonlighting

Tonight, I'm moonlighting. Y'all know what that is, right? Here's how I like to describe it:

Moonlighting is doing what you love after those whom you love are fast asleep.

(Follow me on Twitter for more profound one-liners such as this :) ---> HERE.

Moonlighting is honestly one of the hardest ways I can think of to sustain or develop a career or business. Bravo to everyone who is in it, into it, does it, and works hard at the work he or she really, really wants. You rock.

I, on the other hand, struggle to find balance, often caving into the desire (or need) for rest, relaxation, or recreation.

Tonight is my first time moonlighting in nearly seven months. I hope it will be the first of many more nights like this to come in the coming weeks and months—but not too many. Because I'd rather be doing this as a full-time gig during the day. Yes, I can dream, can't I?

What I'm working on: A soundtrack and narration of The Big Picture Story Bible by David Helm, illustrated by Gail Schoonmaker.

Tubes, Family, and Christmas

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Merry Christmas everyone!

I do hope you've been having a wonderful time in between two of my favorite holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas, obviously). It's been a busy time for me and my family, and I see no signs of a slow-down any time soon - even over school break.

Tonight, my family is going to see the tree lighting in downtown Geneva. It's the kick-off of the annual Santa Lucia Festival. Apparently, she's a Swedish saint who gives out cookies. Awesome. We're gonna try to score a few sweets and watch Santa (not a saint) light this big tree outside the Courthouse on Third Street. (If I ever have another daughter, I might pull for the name Lucy.)

Next up...

What happened last week:

Eleanor, my 15-month-old, got tubes put in her ears. If you're not familiar with the procedure, it's fairly simple, but for a *musician* dad, it's intense. Read about it HERE. It's called a "myringotomy". I'm emotionally drained right now and kinda depressed. Hoping tonight will help.

And what's coming this week:

Two huge recording projects from some friends - one new, one old. Gonna be a lot of work - probably 4-5 full, 8-hour days in the studio before Christmas, but well worth it. I'll be doing tracking and mixing for both recordings.

And last of all:

I've had the weight of the next Restoration Project album on my shoulders for a few months now, with little forward progress. I've started tracking, but haven't really felt "right" about any of what I've done so far. I plan to bring in a couple of friends from Redeemer Fellowship to kind of get some fresh energy and perspective on things.

Gonna be interesting. Gonna be hard work. But I was just reminded again of a belief that I have long held to:

I want to be known as an individual who, by God's grace, has pushed the limits of human capacity - to live, to love, to create.

I look forward to the release of the next Restoration Project album in Spring 2013 and hope it breathes new life into our world.

Searching for a New Apartment - Again

There's something that I have learned very recently (about 11 months ago): Looking for a new place to live is a blessing.

It reminds us of the impermanence of life. 

It reminds me that, in the most real sense possible, I don't really have a home here (not yet, at least). No place will ever give me rest - true rest - rest for my soul.

Transience is life.

Today I spent over an hour driving the streets of Saint Charles, looking for apartments for rent. The booty: three places. That's it. I drove every street in the area where we want to move to, I called all three places, and left three voice messages.

Today I find myself in an interesting situation: Time is short to find a new place. Prospects in our desired location are slim. So now what? Ah! The answer is so simple...

Don't worry. 


I'll let you know how I do, continuing to relish existence in the void of not knowing where I'll be living in six weeks. Update coming soon...

New Year Resolutions for 2012

I'm a fan of new year resolutions.

Here's why:

People rarely slow down to honestly assess their lives these days: where they're at career-wise, the things they value, what they spend their time and money on. Now, some people still don't get it. But I like the fact that, built in to our culture, is a kind of system for self evaluation.

I thought briefly about resolutions this year, and even briefly considered resolving to make no resolutions at all. I finally decided against it. Why? Because people are all messed up and are always in need of improvement; and, when looking in the right places, a very particular type of improvement in your own life is always readily available. What I mean is, by God's grace, we can end this new year with a greater understanding of who we are, the world we live in, and what Christmas really means. (What? Yeah. Life is about Christmas. It's pretty sweet that every year ends on a high note, reminding us about the things that really matter.)

So here are my resolutions for this new year:

1. To consider it one of my highest joys to serve my wife, my children, and my family with humility, generosity, and grace.

2. To take my wife out on a date every month. (Perhaps a modest goal, but one I'm sure she'll like.)

3. To give my wife a kids-free crafting day once a month.

4. To improve my physical, emotional, and mental fitness by exercising my body regularly.


5. To pray for my wife and children daily.



For those of you wondering, I say "new year resolutions" and not "new year's..." because they are my resolutions - not the year's. I want to take ownership of them....

Let's also take a look back at my resolutions from 1/1/2011 and see how I sized up:

1. Read a minimum of four excellent books.

I only read two of the books on my short list for the year, though I did read a few others, too. The two I did read were The Reason for God and Forty Days of Musa Dagh. I'll get to the other two this year, I'm sure.

2. Pray for my family every day.

Totally didn't happen. Utter failure. But it's a good thing that God already knew that.

3. Climb 5.11a.

Also didn't happen - I don't think. But have been climbing a lot more recently. In the last two weeks, I climbed my first 5.10d and V3. My guess is that 5.11a isn't out of my reach, I just haven't had any opportunities to give a climb of that rating a shot. I attempted a 5.11b yesterday, at the end of my climbing session, and couldn't hack it. I got stuck about half-way up. If you have zero idea what I'm talking about, here's a quick intro to how climbs are rated: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grade_(climbing)

--

You might be wondering about a few things here - why 2012's resolutions don't include anything about climbing or reading. Re: climbing, I still want to climb - and climb harder - but I want to make sure my interest in climbing doesn't overshadow my service to my family. Re: reading, I still will read - and I hope to read more this year than last - but again, I'm not interested in focusing on it. I'll just do it. Hopefully.

When it's All Worth it

Raising kids is hard. It's a complicated process that never ends - not even when they're "grown up" and out of the house. That's because as we teach our children, we're also ourselves learning how to teach them. And every lesson taught - and learned - or re-taught and re-learned - is again another new lesson - because the circumstances have changed: you're older, the child is older, the day's events are different, and every variable is different. The weather is different, too!

Raising kids is complicated - not just because it is - but because it's what we call life. Life is complicated. There are new variables every single day. You can't even perform the same, simple task the same way from one day to the next. Take a less simple task as an example: you learn to walk as a toddler. Then you run. Then you gain speed and mobility. You train. You run further, faster, longer. Then you get older. You lose some of your edge. And sometimes, you lose your ability to run at all. Or even walk. You can't approach running in the same way from one day to the next because you're not the same person from one day to the next. Life changes. It's one of only two constants*.

But here's the deal: some of the most memorable moments in the last six years of my feeble existence have been spent with my children. Those moments almost always relate to something they've done - a laugh, a tumble, a word or sentence, a mess.

These moments make you realize that yeah, as cliche as it sounds, you wouldn't trade your kids or these hard days for the world. Psalm 127:3. This post has made me start to think about some of those moments in my own life, going as far back as I can remember. I think I'm going to try to compile a list of them and post them here over the next year or so. (It will take a while to remember them, to think through the years, and I don't want to miss any.)

If you're wondering what that picture is in this post, it's my son's bedroom after he decided to remove all of his books from the bookshelf.

I Don't HAVE to, I GET to

I love my family.

Sometimes they're difficult. Sometimes they prevent me from doing the things I love to do. But this is all just a part of life, isn't it? Anything can cause us difficulty or keep us from having fun, etc...

I think I'm learning that when you truly love, you're choosing to be in pain - as you love. Here's why:

Love is sacrificial - self-giving, other-oriented, not selfish at all. What does selfishness look like? Putting your desires above the desires of those you love, and when you don't get what you want, you make a big stink about it. (Keep in mind, love isn't one-way - it happens in relationship, so both people have to be giving of themselves, and sometimes it works out that someone is sacrificially loving you - you're the receiver.)

Next, when you hang your heart on the line - when you love - you're bound to be let down by the people you love. People suck. People hurt the people they love the most. Why? They don't really do it on purpose. It's a product of the fact that we spend the majority of our time with the people we love the most. People are prone to act contrary to the way they were originally designed to act (in perfect love).

Now here's how this post relates to my title:

A selfish man would say, "I have to stay home with my children during the day, so my wife can work a steady job." A loving man would say, "I get to stay home with my kids..." I'll be honest. I'm definitely feeling somewhere in between today. Of course, it's because I'm not perfect and I struggle with selfishness - probably more than the next man! But you can't say I'm not trying to work on or figure out how to fully, truly say "I get to..."

Also, my kids are cute. Seth in the leaves and Eleanor with wide eyes.

Blurb from My Latest Newsletter

I don't do this - ever, but I thought it would be good for you all to hear, if you haven't already read it in my latest newsletter... This is a cut and paste from the email I sent out to my music mailing list just a couple days ago, on August 26, 2011 (by the way, if you're not already on it, please sign up for my mailing list at http://jaymathes.com, filling out the mailing list form on the right side of the page, towards the top):

WHERE I'VE BEEN, WHERE I'M GOING

In just a few, short weeks, I will be the father of two, beautiful children. Having kids makes you think, and, paradoxically, gives you less time. Maybe what really happens is you just think better with what little time you have to think.

I've put in a lot of time - and money - into my music over the years. (I just realized that this past February marked the 10-year anniversary of the release of my album, Leave it All Behind.) Don't worry. This isn't a break-up letter.

I'm not losing steam - just trying to evaluate things. What I can say is that I'm even more inspired today by life than I ever have been. I can't help but write and perform. And I'm also even more excited by what I call a genuine musical experience. What I long to see in other recording artists - and what I long to show to you - is a picture of who the artist really is - not some projected image - some amalgamation of marketing tactics and strategies.

In an effort to better show you who I am, I'm going to continue doing what I do: writing music that comes from my heart, my experiences, and reflects who I am and how I feel. I might blog less. I might tweet more. I might be on Facebook less. I will write more music. I will post that music online. I will beg and ask for your support of that music.

Music keeps me going. If I lost my hearing, I'd self-combust.

Thanks for your support, and come on out on 9/4 if you can!

-Jay

Merry Christmas! Plans for the Week

I hope that everyone has had a wonderful time this week with family and thinking about this unbelievable historical event we call Christmas.

I can say for my own part that this really hasn't felt like the Christmas season at all. Life is messed up. Second only to sleeping, I have spent more time in a hospital this past week than anywhere else, doing any other thing. My dad should be coming home today - doctors think.

Needless to say, I had grand plans for the week leading up to Christmas - all of the things I'd be able to accomplish with more time to work at the studio. Almost none of it happened, but that's life. The last two days, I've been thinking a lot about how I'm going to get everything done this coming week that I need to.

I think the basic answer is just to take everything one day at a time and do what I have to do to make it work. Here are just the main things on my list:

• Scribble up a promotional plan for Fundamental, my new record, coming out on Jan. 25th
• Finish up my media contact list for promoting said album
• Put together my 2011 summer festivals contact list
• Record pre-production guitars and vocals for Restoration Project #2
• Write up the recording schedule for ResProj #2

All in all, I think we're probably talking a good, clean 40 hours of work on these things - and I'm about 90% sure I won't be putting that in before next Monday. Again, that's life.

Now, just a quick word to put this all in perspective: I love my family and I love spending time with them. In some ways, I feel blessed to have been able to spend the time with them that I have. Life is a balance. We all always have to hold both ambition and responsibility with an even hand.

Off we go... happy Monday.

Hospital Beds and Jello Heads

My dad was admitted to the hospital last night because doctors discovered two separate pools of blood in his head - not in his brain, but between the brain and the skull. Scary times. Last night, he had a small procedure to place a filter inside the inferior vena cava (the main artery that feeds blood into the heart), then doctors pumped him with plasma to reverse the effects of the blood thinners he was on. And this morning, he had two holes drilled into his skull to drain the fluid from his head. The procedure was completed around 10:15 AM and I had a chance to talk with him briefly afterward. He's doing okay. He has several days of recovery ahead of him.

I'm still processing this, so I don't really have much more to say except the facts. I'll let you know more as things progress... and as I compute.

Also, the Bears played a great game last night against the Vikings...

Push It, Mathes

Man, I'm tired. Over the past few days, I've been spending a ton of time serving my family - to the obvious neglect of my music. On some level, it's a sign of healthy priorities: people over achievement. But on another level, it means that when I finally do get around to working on music - like now - I really don't have any juice left. I just have to do the best I can.

The rest of tonight (2-3 hours) will be spent prepping for my show on Friday night. I just have to push it.

What I'm listening to right now: The Phantom of the Opera Soundtrack.